Remembering Dad

This is the eulogy I gave at the end of Dad's funeral mass yesterday (30.July, 2014). I kept praying all morning that God would help me get through without breaking down in tears (I have a long track record... must be the Irish sentimentality in my genes!) and He was faithful to my request; My voice quivered in the last paragraph, and the tears came as I stepped down from the pulpit and into a warm embrace from Mom.

An Extraordinary Life - Harry O’Sullivan

Mark Twain has been quoted as saying that at age 17 he could hardly stand to be with his father for his ignorance; at 20 he noticed that now and then his father said a sensible thing; but at 25 he was simply amazed to discover how much the old man had learned in the previous 8 years.

Dad and I always got along well, but I can remember at times telling myself that I did not want to be like him when I grew up. Funny how time — and DNA — catches up to all of us! As I’ve grown older I’ve come to realize just how much I am like my Dad. We’re both first born sons. We both became fathers in our 25th year and have 3 children. We both built our careers on information systems. We both love going to concerts, and wearing t-shirts supporting our favorite bands. We were both active in our children’s activities as coaches and Scout leaders. 

My brother-in-law, Eric, was the first person I remember noting a certain physical resemblance I share with Dad… Back then he wasn’t my brother-in-law. Mel & I hadn’t started dating yet, but Eric & I had been good friends all through high school, and we’d often get together to jam to Def Leppard on our guitars, or go hiking, go to concerts, or just hang out, and… oh, sorry! Just like Dad, I often take listeners on the “scenic route” when telling a story!   ANYWAY, Eric had dropped by the house one day while Pat & I were working out in the basement, bare-chested so we could better see if our weight-lifting was having any effect on our spindly physiques. Suddenly Eric busted out laughing: “Man, you’re your Dad all over…” That was 25 years & 70 pounds ago… I don’t think I need to say any more about that!

Dad’s long illness gave me a lot of time to reflect on things he taught us. Dad wasn’t one to lecture; he was a soundbite man before “soundbites” were in! But he loved to teach us by doing: how to throw a curve ball, how to change the oil in our cars, or how to load line into a trimmer. And in a lot of cases, he taught us when he didn’t realize it.

When Chris, Pat & I were little boys, I remember Dad often telling us “Life isn’t fair”. With 3 boys close in age you better believe we had many disagreements to settle. There were also desserts to share, and at-bats while Dad pitched to us in the backyard, and time shared on the then-hi-tech Atari 2600. Dad is one of the fairest men I’ve known; I dare say he was fairer with most people than they deserved. And yet he was right to teach us that the world didn’t owe us a thing. He always was one of the hardest working and dependable men I’ve known, and he passed that work ethic on to us.

If you look around the house, you’re bound to find Dad’s initials and a date written on many things - workbenches he built, oil filters, boxes of cereal… My brothers & I used to joke that we each have a tattoo on our rear end, signed HTO’S with our birth dates! Sometimes Dad would also leave a short note along with his date stamp. I remember after we finished building a deck on my first house in Columbia, he added his usual HTO’S along with “Chicago” to remind us that we went to see the band play at Merriwether Post the night before. I often wondered what some future archaeologist would think upon discovering all Dad’s little notes & dates. As I helped pull together photos for the viewing I encountered many notes on the back of old photos - “Andy took this photo”; “100 degrees heat when Pat pitched this game”; etc. I’m not sure what the archaeologist would think, but I’ll simply say: Thanks, Dad, for being our historian and reminding us of little details we otherwise would have forgotten!

Dad often took us up to the ballfields at Bedford Elementary for batting practice. One time I accidentally left his Stan Musial glove at the field, so he drove back to look for it. He saw some kids had found it, but he didn’t have the heart to take back what was rightfully his. From that point on he sprayed a bit of orange paint on all our gloves and bats, so that if we left them in the grass they’d be easy to spot. I think he already had some orange spray paint at home because he liked how Rick Dempsey sprayed a nice orange target on his catchers mitt, and he thought that would be a good way to help Pat develop accuracy in his pitching. Before long, the whole garage took on a soft orange glow, as yard tools, garbage cans, really just about anything that wasn’t nailed down got the O’Sullivan orange treatment.

Speaking of catchers, I remember Dad telling us he always liked to be the catcher when he played ball, and he taught the position to Chris. He reasoned that there are only two players on the field who are involved in every pitch. Since he wasn’t a great pitcher, he’d learn to catch. Isn’t that just like Dad - wanting to be involved in every play, and also stepping aside to let the better player take center stage.

Dad spent A LOT of time teaching us the mechanics of baseball. He loved the game, he loved his sons, and he loved all of our friends, and would spend countless hours throwing us high-flies, pitching batting practice, and helping us fine-tune our swing. He often told us to keep your eye on the ball. I think this later developed into swing the bat at Sykesville. Both pieces of advice are solid, and not just on the diamond. We can play it safe in life, or stand at the plate, knees shaking, and hope for a walk, but we won’t find true success for our dreams if we don’t swing the bat. And in order to get that base hit, you have to keep your eye on the ball, staying focused on what’s important now in order to make contact. Years later I can remember working with Dad on home improvements and yard work, and him telling me to put some more “rear-end” into it. In other words, don’t hold back, if you’re committed to do something, throw all of your weight into the effort. Maybe you’ll strike out, but every now & then, you’ll knock it out of the park.

Dad often told me that he wished he had gotten the music gene from his father like I did. He used to joke that the only thing he could play was the radio, but I must say he had excellent taste in music… I’ll give him a pass on the disco era! The soundtrack of my earliest years is one continuous loop of the early Chicago albums. And I treasured Dad taking me to see them in concert, sharing the band he loved with me. Our first concert together was in the summer of 1977 when I was not quite 9 years old. Over the years we saw Chicago over a dozen times. Dad also took my brothers & our friends to see bands we enjoyed before we were old enough to drive ourselves. He took me to see Asia, my favorite band in the summer of 1983. 25 years later I had the privilege of taking Dad to see Asia along with my kids. Just as his favorite band became one of mine, Dad became a big Asia fan, and really loved one of their newer songs called An Extraordinary Life. The chorus lyrics are:

Go, seize the day, Wake up and say: This is an EXTRAORDINARY LIFE

Enjoy today, Come what may: This is an EXTRAORDINARY LIFE

This carpe-diem attitude became Dad’s 21st-century adaptation of keep your eye on the ball and swing the bat. I’m grateful Dad was encouraged by Father Lacey and others in his last year to likewise take the good stuff, and to enjoy his many blessings.

I can remember Dad telling me that “it’s not always what you know, but who you know that’s most important.” That was one where I really wanted to prove him wrong. As I prepared to graduate from college, I naïvely thought that prospective employers would take one look at my impressive GPA and hire me on the spot. I also thought that I should be hired on my own merit, not because of some personal connection; that smelled too much like politics or cronyism. But once again, Dad was right. I got the groundskeeping job at Springfield Cemetery because of a friend Dad knew at work. I’m sure that Bruce hired me at Pap-Pap’s in spite of my then-long-hair because Dad was a good neighbor. I got my first career position with the help of UMBC’s cooperative education program. Early on in my career I replied to several want-ads in the newspaper; none of them even landed me an interview. Every job I’ve gotten since that first break came about because of a personal connection. Dad was right. I was just too young and stubbornly 

idealistic to understand. And as time passed I came to realize that those connections matter because of personal trust, not corrupt politics.

Well, Dad, you were right, and now I know you are in the best place of all, at peace with God in heaven. Not because of your resume of achievements here on earth — impressive as they are —but because you know Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

In John 14, Jesus told his disciples that He was going ahead to prepare a place for those who believe in Him, and that there are many mansions in His Father’s house. I wonder if Dad’s mansion looks like the Ravens Castle… or Memorial Stadium… or Neale Ct. I hope there’s a lawn to tend to and a bright orange tractor for him. I’m sure the view is beautiful.

I remember Dad telling us that while he & Mom were dating, he was very shy and Mom was usually the one who wanted to go out and socialize, but after they married Dad came out of his shell; one might say with a vengeance! Dad loved to talk with people — even those he just bumped into in the check-out line. Sometimes we’d joke that he could start up a conversation with a brick wall. At times I can remember feeling annoyed or embarrassed; come on, Dad, we have stuff to do, let’s get going. Saying goodbye took forever; there was always one more thing he wanted to say. Once again I’m amazed at the parallel to my own life. As I find myself midway into my 40s I find that I simply enjoy other people more. Maybe it’s a quality that comes with age and experience, finding joy in connecting with others. Maybe it’s a gift from God waiting for all of us, if we would only slow down, look into the eyes of those around us, and find empathy with our fellow sojourners in life. All that time I thought Dad was just dawdling, in reality he was like a missionary in his own home town, showing kindness to others with his characteristic smile and simple conversation, reflecting the love and compassion God has for us to everyone he met.

Pat describes Dad as the real-life George Bailey; “the richest man in town”, not because of material wealth, but because he connected with so many through his simple acts of kindness.  About six months ago Dad told me he was awestruck at the kindness showed to him by friends and neighbors as he battled his illness. I told him that he had touched a lot of lives. He thought about that and said “I guess I did”. Yeah, Dad. You sure did. We’ll miss you as long as we tarry here on earth, but your memory will live on in our hearts. Your life was both Wonderful and Extraordinary. And I’m glad that in so many ways I’ve turned out just like you.

Dad, his sons, and Coach Harbaugh - Apr 14, 2014

Dad and all of his grandchildren, Dec 21, 2013

Presidential Leadership

The most effective leaders inspire others and lead by example. They listen to others - even those with opposing viewpoints - and find ways to build consensus. They focus on the team, not the self. They take responsibility and don't blame others.

President Obama inspired millions of Americans during the 2008 campaign with promises to bring Americans together: "there are no red states and blue states, just the United States." While he was an extremely successful campaigner, he's been far from an effective leader. Even fellow Democrats have noted that Obama always has to be "the smartest man in the room." A leader should inspire, not lecture. His speeches - and even responses in last month's debates - are loaded with 1st-person pronouns, unless the subject is the economy.

Obama frequently cites obstinate Republicans in Congress for blocking his jobs bills, and pinning the blame on them for the current economic slowdown, as well as "the failed policies" of his predecessor. There is no doubt that the economy was a mess at the end of 2008. However, he conveniently overlooks the fact that this recession officially ended in June, 2009. We are now 3 years and 4 months into a post-recession economy under Obama's leadership, and unemployment is worse than when he took office. Obama's solution to the economy, "the stimulus", has done nothing to put our economy back on track. Obama now wants to tax "the rich"; if he really believed that would help the economy then why didn't he push for tax increases when he had filibuster-proof majorities in both houses, and why did he extend the Bush tax rates?

Regarding those "obstinate Republicans" in Congress, they control only one half of Congress. President Reagan faced a similar Congressional divide, with Democrats controlling the House. Reagan frequently invited Speaker Tip O'Neill to the White House to discuss matters of policy. Though they often disagreed, they were able to work together. How different would our country be today if Obama and Speaker Boehner had this kind of working relationship? Instead we now face a "fiscal cliff" that could send the economy into a depression. President Clinton had to work with a Republican House led by Newt Gingrich. Together they passed historic welfare reform. Are we to believe that John Boehner is a more obstinate non-negotiator than Newt Gingrich? Rather, it seems that Barack Obama is a more obstinate ideologue than Bill Clinton.

His own party has controlled the Senate since he took the oath of office, and yet the Senate rejected Obama's most recent budget proposal 99-0. In his recent book, The Price of Politics, Bob Woodward describes how then-Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, put the President on mute during conference-call negotiations regarding the 2009 stimulus bill, continuing to talk with other top Democrats while ignoring the President. Senate majority leader Harry Reid hasn't passed a budget in over three years. How can a President lead the country if he can't work with either house of Congress, even one led by his own party?

Obama's current campaign is the antithesis of "hope and change", and more a fulfillment of his 2008 comments: "If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from. You make a big election about small things." Instead of inspiring Americans with new ideas, he focuses on tearing down his opponent and dividing Americans on small things like Big Bird, bayonets and now "voting for revenge".

In contrast, Mitt Romney has run a very positive campaign, stressing his executive experience as governor, business executive, and turnaround artist for the Salt Lake City Olympics. Much of his career has been outside of politics, and in the competitive world of business, he has learned to build consensus with those of opposing opinions, made difficult decisions, and demonstrated a proven track record of success. And rather than put himself in the spotlight, we hear from others about his many selfless acts of charity. Sounds like just the kind of leader our country needs right now.

Thoughts on SCOTUS ruling on Obamacare

Trying to keep up with all that's been written about last week's SCOTUS ruling on Obamacare has left me feeling a bit dizzy. One thing is certain - the ruling seemed to catch everyone off guard. Some folks on the left (see Chris Matthews) were decrying the "conservative SCOTUS" a few days before the ruling, and have since sung the praises of Chief Justice Roberts. Some conservatives (Krauthammer, Will) admire the cleverness in Roberts' ruling, seeing it as a Solomonic judgment which kept the SCOTUS above the fray of partisan politics, while others (e.g. Bozell) lament the ruling as a Judas-like betrayal.

Perhaps a more fitting comparison is Pontius Pilate, especially now that there are reports that Roberts initially ruled with the 4 dissenting Justices, but later changed his opinion. Like Pilate, Roberts seems to hold private convictions different from his official ruling. His words that it's not the job of SCOTUS "to protect the people from the consequences of their political choices" seem to wash his hands of the matter, returning the case to the people to make the final judgment.

And in one sense, perhaps that is as it should be. While I disagree with the decision & much of the logic of the ruling, wasn't it just a touch hypocritical for conservatives to pin their hopes on a SCOTUS ruling after railing against "judicial activism" for decades?

Before fellow conservatives go on a witch hunt against Roberts, keep in mind that the Affordable Care Act passed by just one vote. 17 Democratic Senators who voted for the ACA were newly elected in 2006 or 2008, while Republican voter turnout those years was not nearly as strong as in 2010. If ever there were an object lesson to disprove the oft-repeated mantra "my vote doesn't matter, all politicians are the same", this is it. Remember this November: your vote matters!

For What It's Worth

Well, the Kansas song is still one of my favorites, but I've decided that Miracles Out of Nowhere sounded a bit pretentious for a blog title. So I'm going with a phrase that sounds more like me: For What It's Worth. Also happens to be another song title (Buffalo Springfield).

Contraception Misdirection

Who would’ve thought that contraception would become a political lightning rod this election cycle? Rick Santorum and Rush Limbaugh strolled right into traps laid by allies of the Obama Administration, and unwittingly helped the President redirect the real argument about religious liberty (one that the Administration was losing) into a straw man argument about women’s health. Well-strategized by the left; misplayed by the right. For what it’s worth, here’s my take on what should be the conservative argument on the subject:

Conservatives are not objecting to the use of contraception, but rather the coverage stipulated for it in Obamacare, especially as it concerns religious organizations. The primary issue is one of religious liberty. If a religious organization conscientiously objects to certain services then what right does the government (or anyone) have to force them to pay for them? How would the reaction be if the government were forcing all employers to provide free pork chop dinners? Would mosques and Islamic organizations be wrong for objecting? Would Jewish organizations not be justified in objecting to a mandate to require employees to work on Saturdays? 

No-one is trying to deny access to contraceptives for employees of Catholic-run organizations, only to their coverage by employer-subsidized health insurance. Let the market work. If a Catholic-run hospital doesn't want to cover contraceptive services as part of the health insurance policies they provide for their employees, they have the right to make that choice. If the issue is so important to workers, then other hospitals not affiliated with Catholic organizations would have a competitive advantage in attracting employees.

Beyond the primary issue of religious-liberty are broader questions of proper scope of insurance and personal responsibility. Insurance provides a safety net to help deal with unforeseen events. We buy homeowners insurance hoping that we'll never need to use it, but resting assured that if disaster strikes we'll have some help to rebuild. I don't submit claims every time I buy filters for my furnace, repair my roof, or pay an exterminator to keep termites away. I can ignore these maintenance and preventive services and deal with consequences later, or I can accept these responsibilities that come with homeownership. 

Most health insurance policies have expanded well beyond catastrophic coverage, so we have become accustomed to more maintenance health services having some level of coverage, e.g. subsidizing costs of sick visits, prescriptions, etc. But where does one draw the line? If contraceptives should be free, why not toothpaste and dental floss? What next, toilet paper and soap? We don't expect anyone else to pick up the tab for these personal care items. We buy them and use them because we are responsible and want to take good care of our bodies. Why should it be any different for contraceptives? 

First post:
I'm not much of a writer. I've been told that I write well, no doubt thanks to the training of my high school English teachers, and in spite of my disdain for writing essays. But words usually don't come to me quickly, and it can take a long time for me to put thoughts in writing. At this season in life, with two children in high school and one in college, I don't have a lot of spare time. Yet I find myself thinking more philosophically than ever before, and wanting to write down thoughts if for no other reason than to help me work through them myself. So once in a blue moon maybe I'll find time to write down what I'm thinking.

The blog title comes from the Kansas song of the same name. Here's an excerpt from the song lyrics:

On a crystal morning I can see the dewdrops falling
Down from a gleaming heaven, I can hear the voices call
When you comin' home now, son, the World is not for you
Tell me what's you point of view
Hey there Mister Madman, wat'cha know that I don't know
Tell me some crazy stories, let me know who runs this show
Glassy-eyed and laughing, he turns and walks away
Tell me what made you that way

Here I am just waiting for a sign
Asking questions, learning all the time
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love, and miracles out of nowhere

These lyrics have resonated with me for a long time. I've always been driven by learning something new. And the more I learn, the more I realize there is to learn!